Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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