Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
