Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your cock deserves a montage
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Randomize
