our cab driver is having phone sex.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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