Is it because I queefed?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
