Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
