is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
