but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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