consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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