I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Randomize
