This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
