you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize