so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize