I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
