Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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