Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
