I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize