That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
