i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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