I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
