wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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