Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
