We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
