i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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