I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
