I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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