Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
