I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
