I smell stomach acid.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
