Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
