Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize