So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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