That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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