So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
