If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
