I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
