it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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