i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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