I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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