Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize