I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
