3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
