My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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