I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
