I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
