I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
