I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
