If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
