Yo dont text me then not text me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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