so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
