Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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