i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
