He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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