Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
