I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
