so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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