Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
