Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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