YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
