He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
