she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize