Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
