whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
