I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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