I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
