I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize