i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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