are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
