woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize