so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
