It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
