I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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