For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize