i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
