Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
